Aged, and not to perfection?

Sitting in a room on 79th, 7 stories above ground. It's dark outside,cold, but not in this warm bed by the window. I realize everything I am is made up of all I have experienced and when I see it in you it just reminds me. I get confused and can't let go and I cling to your flesh out of fear. When everything I see keeps taking me back, and it doesn't matter I know the moment sets me free. I battle talking words in my head and they speak these words. .. " that was then, this is now, you know it's not right, or maybe it's the devil keeping you down. Am I crazy? Who's that talking? Am I the only one?" in a reference to text a wiseman once said "nothing can harm you and there is no right or wrong in the present moment, you are NOT your experiences". It's hard not to play the victim when you have seen so much harm. When you have caused so much pain. God I ask you to take it all away. May your will be done not mine. What can I do for you today god? Give me the will, the patience, the knowledge, and the power to carry it out.